My moments

I remember so much about my dad. I remember that he read me the entire narnia series when I was little. That he loved to sing the song old man river. He used to love to tickle us. He loved my mom. He folded shirts perfectly always. He was amazing with Bullet. He saved a squirrel. When my mom adopted bonnie, they wouldn't let her have her at first but then my dad came and got the dog for my mom. He was so embarrased of her crazyness he walked on the other side of the street with the dog.

I remember the day we left for Philly he had a sore throat and a headache. So we decided it wasn't anything major. But I remember my mom asking over and over if he wanted us to stay. Almost like subconciouslly she knew he was gonna be sick. Megan, my best friend, and I wanted to go to philly so bad though, and dad knew it. He didn't let us stay. He kissed me good bye and I hugged him and said "I'll be seeing you daddy."

3 days later he was gone. Something that i don't talk about though is that he called us that day. Mom thought he was drunk so she got mad at him. He was saying that he really needed us to come home, he needed help. I spoke to him. I told him it was gonna be okay, that we would be home soon. I thought he was drunk too. But I didn't know that his brain damage had already started. That he was leaving me. That a new part of my life was begining whether I liked it or not.

I got home and he was in the blue sitting room. At the time it was our living room. We had a green and white striped couch. He had on WBOC weather. The bonnie was next to him. Yellow was beside the couch and luppy was on him. He had on a white comforter, because he was cold, and it was june. Lori, Kris, Kurt, everyone was there. They were there before me. I got there knowing something was wrong. EMT arrived. I was standing above dad, i felt like i was going to throw up my stomach. I was just petting his head, telling him it was gonna be okay. We'd get through it. It'll be alright.

EMT asked dad who was with him, and he said Tom Seleck, which was Chester's nick name. He didn't know me, but he did. I knew he did. We got to the emergancy room. THe entire way to the hospital though the ambulance didn't turn on the sirens, just the lights. And people wouldn't pull over. They wouldn't pull over for my daddy! I will never get over that, you never understand until your loved one is in that situation.

Once in the hospital we got into a room. The ideas were flying to figure out what was wrong. West Nile Virus, Encyphilites, Flu, Dehydration, anything and everything. Thank god our doctor figured it out, Dr. H. He was our miracle, even though he calls us his. That was when dad woke up and told me he loved me, and take care of my sister. He never woke up again. That was the last time I spoke to him.

After that, it was a whole new race, new jockey, new horse. IT was a new game of life. I miss him. I miss him, I miss him.

THinking

Well. You know my dad was a good guy.

He was an artist. He was a chef. He was a daddy.

I guess that wasn't seen because he was taken away. It wasn't any one's fault.

He's a good guy. And I've learned a lot from this experience. Which have lead me to grow as a person and turn into a more open minded, accepting person.

For that I appreciate, more than I can explain.

Why

"Why am I here?" My dad said over and over again on Monday when we visited him in the nursing home.

I don't know. I didn't know. Why is a 48 year old man in a nursing home, when his family wants him home but his goverment doesn't allow it.

We take better care of him then any other place would ever. It is awful and a tragidy.

"I miss you so much it's painful." He said as I kissed him good bye.

" I miss you too dad, every second of everyday. I miss you so much I can't bear it." I wanted to say. But instead I stayed strong for him.

hmmm life

Well life has never been easy for anyone.

No one ever claimed it was.

But I had my dad taken away from me when I was ten by something called herpes encephalitis.

It is not a sexually transmitted disease that people automatically think it is because the word herpes is in it.

95% of our population has herpes. Meaning cold sores on your lips or genitals.

5% of that 95% has herpes that lies dormant waiting to attack your immune system when it gets weak.

2% of that 5% has herpes that attacks the brain.

My dad was one of that lucky 2%.

I'm not a professional on the brain. This is just my life.